Creative Writing

I Was Told in a Dream

I was told in a dream that “the best ideas

Come to us when we need them most.” 

If that’s the case then why is my mind, once a hub

Of inspiration and imagination, dulled down to


I have to force the words out of my finger tips,

Find a meaning in the fruitless venture of

Scribbling every thought that comes to mind before

It clogs up the gears. Sticky notes of all shapes,

Colors, and sizes cover the blue cinder block

Wall in front of me as a desperate cry for 

Something to make sense. Anything.

“Read more – that’s what you need to do.”

Books cover every empty shelf and space in 

My bedroom. One day, I will read them all, but

For now I lie on the once white carpet and stare 

At the towering shelves to see what I could’ve become

Had I worked as hard as I told myself I would.

Every day is a fight with my mind, over the same grueling

Topics that I should be able to defend.

“You were so confident before.”

It’s hard to feel the same way now as each click of the keys

Is a reminder to the times that it wasn’t painful

To brainstorm what to write.

“What happened to you?”

I don’t know. Next question.

“You are a quitter.”

That’s when it’s suddenly four hours later and my stomach

Cries for the candy locked away in the cabinet. It happens more

Often than I’d like to admit – skipping time as a way to separate 

Myself from Her

She braids my hair as I sleep at night. With each pull, I feel

Desperate for relief. When I wake up, She is not there to give

Me the pain killers that would fix it all. They are hidden from me,

And I have to go to sleep with the headache I never asked 


Part of me thinks that She took my creativity when coming into 

My life. Picking at it slowly like the leftovers in the fridge that

Dad wanted to eat but I couldn’t stop myself from trying. She likes

My mom more than me  – They locked the candy in the cabinet, 

with the key just out of reach next to the book I told myself

I would publish before 25.

I’ve been told that I’m blaming Her for my problems – that I 

Need to face them head on and get out of my own head

But that’s where I need to be. Sometimes, it’s the safest place

That I can find. It holds memories, secrets, and the surrealist

Reality I want to call my own. She likes it that way.

Maybe one day the vault will open and I will walk out

To the unknown. But I don’t know when that will happen,

Or if it ever will.

I continue to take the pills morning and night. One day, She will

Be gone, and I will be back. 

Free from the chains.

Free to be creative again.



I think this is a good time to talk about coping.

Recently, I have found myself with a lack of energy. Not only in pursuing my passions, but in motivation for taking care of myself. I figured when this first started, it was just writer’s block. It’s been about a month since I felt this way – and while some of my passions are starting to come back to me, it is difficult finding any energy at all to care for myself. By that, I mean I have very little drive to shower, brush my teeth, brush my hair, drink enough water – things like that.

There isn’t a reason in particular that I can think of as to why I feel this way. As someone who suffers from Generalized Anxiety, I am used to not having a clue as to why I feel anxious. So, when these feelings came around more intensely – I was concerned. I also want to make it clear that I want to take care of myself. I know that I need too, and I want to do it – but I can’t. I find even trying to move my body towards the shower is like a workout. Changing, brushing my hair, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving, drying off, and redressing? Instead of thinking of it as just taking a shower, now I’m stuck thinking about all of the little steps and how exhausting it is.

I’ve been prescribed wellbutrin – which helps with energy and depression; I’ve been taking it for about a week now. I was told the energy aspect of it was going to work immediately, but the anti depression wouldn’t work for about a month. I hope that at the end of the month, I won’t feel the way I’ve been feeling anymore. All of this, mixed with COVID-19 and family matters – has left me in desperate need for self-care and coping mechanisms. I wanted to share some of those tips with you today.

  1. Do something halfway.

What I mean by this is that if something seems too exhausting, try and half-ass it. When I can’t even begin to think of getting dressed, I will change my shirt but keep my pajama shorts on. I’ll put my hair in a bun instead of styling it, or I’ll make my bed instead of cleaning my entire room. Doing something halfway has been beneficial for me personally because it shows my brain that I am capable of doing something, even when I feel like doing nothing.

  1. Journaling.

I know journaling isn’t for everyone, but I’ve found it helpful. I have been journaling in two forms. In the first form, I call it my To-Do List. I have a bullet journal that I have a to-do list for the day in, and this is also where I include my mood as well as how I felt about the day, and something I want to change moving forward. My second journal is actually in Amanda Lovelace’s Slay Those Dragons. This is a journal designed to help you write your own story. In this case, I’m using it to write simple three stanza poems about my day. Obviously, this can be done differently depending on the person. I use this to express more of my feelings, while my To-Do list is my logic.

  1. Self-Soothing. 

I want to start this by saying that self-care and self-soothing are two very different things. Self-soothing is doing something in the moment to help with your feelings, while self-care is working towards a goal in the long run. Self-soothing can be incredibly helpful when you’re feeling anxious or flustered. For me, my self-soothing is spending money. This doesn’t help me in the long run, but when I look at my bookshelves stacked up with books I have yet to read, I feel better. I have a friend who self-soothes by ordering clothes online, and another who buys their favorite snacks. Self-soothing is a short term solution to a long-term problem, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t helpful.

  1. Self-Care.

I preach self-care too much for someone who doesn’t practice it much themselves. Self-care is incredibly important though. Self-care is doing things that take care of your body and mind. This falls under the umbrella of taking a shower, pursuing hobbies, making/going to doctor’s appointments when needed, getting the recommended amount of sleep you need, and also putting aside time to socialize. When I’m having trouble with self-care (since it is taking care of yourself), I try and do one of the following: socialize or do something that makes me happy. I have some incredible friends in my life, and whenever I’m down and need to talk about something they’re always there. It’s great to have this because for a long time I was the ‘therapist’ friend. If you aren’t familiar with that, it’s when friends talk to you about their problems consistently without giving you a break or an opportunity to talk as well. My closest friends are so kind and respectful of these boundaries that talking to them helps lift my spirits, even just a tiny bit, when I’m in my worst states.

I hope you have found some of these tips helpful, and if you have any other tips be sure to leave them in the comments down below!

Creative Writing

When You Are An Anxious Daughter

When you are an anxious daughter

There is a thin line between

Excusable and overreacting.

The first can be met with advice and love

While the other is met with disapproval and anger.

How dare you feel so deeply.

How dare I feel so deeply.

When you are an anxious student

You avoid doing any work until the last moment

Because if you don’t turn it in, you can’t sleep.

You can’t think.

You can’t eat. 

You drown in the sea of expectations.

A pleasure to have in class.

The cycle continues.

When you are an anxious friend

There is no such thing as an anxiety free zone.

You beg your friend to be your bus buddy

Because you can’t sit alone.

Everytime they say yes.

Everytime you feel just as guilty.

When you are an anxious creative

Everything isn’t good enough.

The doubt engulfs you like fog.

You rip a piece of yourself out and 

Splatter it before you, only to hate it.

To hate yourself.

When you are an anxious lover

You want to be strong.

To be brave.

To love.

To be fearless.

To be there for them as they are for you.

Why is it so hard to be there for yourself?

When you are an anxious human being

Even the smallest thing can trigger

A flood of confided emotions that haven’t been

Felt since the first day.

But the trauma leaves you numb.

Someone has it worse trickles from your lips.

The validation that you pour into another’s cup 

Barely drips into your own.

Jumping back and forth between

I’m fine



Is endless.

When you are anxious

You are at war with yourself.