Tag: Life

Categories
Creative Writing

The Color of Life

White hairs began to appear

At just eight years old.

My aunt, adorned with fiery red curls

Gasped as she spotted the strand

That stuck out against the deep

Soil brown hair that I had

Always had my entire life.

“You’re getting old!” She laughed,

Though cackle would’ve better

Suited it – that’s what Dad always said.

I never feared growing old until

That day, because not it was too 

Close for comfort. I cried, hurling myself

Into the burnt tan couch in the living room,

Yelling “I’m going to die!”

That is all it meant to me to grow-up: 

To have my own life, to raise others,

To grow old, to die.

That’s all life was. And I hadn’t even lived

The first part yet. 

The white hair was the first sign that I realized

My Nana was old – lying in a hospital bed and 

Looking up at my family, saying goodbye.

It was the color of Granny Charlene’s skin when we moved 

Away and she died the next spring. 

But it was also the color of snow, fallen fresh from the

Graying skies. It was the color of the wedding dress

My Aunt wore when she met the love of her life, 

Eighteen years after the first wedding.

White wasn’t an evil color. 

Life was.

Categories
Writing Updates

Writing Update (7/26)

I feel like I haven’t posted on here in a long time, but I know it’s probably been about a week. It’s been difficult for me to find the time to sit down and post due to my work schedule and other circumstances out of my control. I thought this would be a good time to give you all an update as to where my writing is at!

First and foremost, my unnamed novel. Jaelyn’s story is something that I have been thinking about a lot. I haven’t sat down and worked on it, though. Since I forced so much energy into it for so long, I have found it more difficult to work on. Has anyone else experienced this? I don’t have writer’s block, as I know how the story is supposed to go – but I just do not have any motivation to sit down and work on editing as well as perfecting the final scenes.

I’ve also stumbled into the problem of wanting to rewrite the story. When I first started writing about Jaelyn, I wanted it to be about how stepping into the spotlight so suddenly can change a lot about how a person acts. Now, I want to keep that ideal – but I want to include the idea that in her society, people assume a lot about where you come from – Jaelyn is one of the first people to step up and start to change that (whether she wants too or not). If that’s the case, though, I need to rewrite major sections of the story. I knew I would have to rewrite a new draft eventually, but it seems like a huge time commitment. There are characters that need to be developed.

One thing I think I would benefit from with this is being able to bounce ideas off of someone. I have a handful of people in my life that are also writers, but other than that I feel as though I’m stuck only bouncing ideas off of myself. My goal with Jaelyn’s story is to start working on character wants/desires. This way I can think about the plot of the story and also make the characters more concrete.

Second is The Astrologist. I loved writing the piece that I did. However, I realized that I need to do a ton of research in order to represent what I want to correctly within the story. So, I have this story on hold while I read up on the following topics: dream interpretation, astrology, zodiacs, crystals, and psychic readings. All of these topics are incredibly important and major playing roles throughout the story. I don’t want to fake my way through it.

This has given me time to think about my characters though. At first, I only knew that Hayden and Evon were going to be the main players of the story. I had a few minor characters – including Miss Tabitha Hall and Emilia DuPont – but I wanted to have some more to work with. Since Hayden’s life after her mother is such a blur, I have been able to put characters in that area and have them become involved later in the story. One of these characters is now Marigold Honeywell – who I cannot wait to write more about and share her character with you all.

Lastly, my small writing pieces. I include this as my character studies, poetry, small writing pieces, and anything else that I’m forgetting to mention regarding my writing. This part I think has been the easiest for me to work. Every night before I go to bed, I journal some of the feelings I had throughout the day into poetry. I write about a page or so (roughly 3 stanzas 4 lines each) of poetry and have a small booklet. I haven’t decided if I want to share that on here yet, but I have been writing poetry and working on my craft.

I want to post more short creative pieces, but I have a difficult time writing about anything small because I want to make it bigger. One thing I was thinking about doing was writing short stories about other characters within the worlds I have created. One example of this is Jaelyn’s story. I am thinking about writing a piece highlighting Dr. Evelyn Snow’s journey into becoming the world-renowned scientist that she is in their world today. Or even just writing a piece about the Pickers and what they’re lives are like, as you don’t see much of it through Jaelyn’s perspective. I think not only will this provide content and help my writing skills, but also help develop their world even more.

I am trying to get back into my posting schedule, so for right now expect roughly 2 posts a week. I know before I was providing 3 – and I’m working towards continuing that number, but with everything going on in my life and in the world – it’s difficult to set aside the time.

Thank you all for your unconditional support and I cannot wait to share more of my work with you all. I appreciate every one of you.

Categories
Life

Coping

I think this is a good time to talk about coping.

Recently, I have found myself with a lack of energy. Not only in pursuing my passions, but in motivation for taking care of myself. I figured when this first started, it was just writer’s block. It’s been about a month since I felt this way – and while some of my passions are starting to come back to me, it is difficult finding any energy at all to care for myself. By that, I mean I have very little drive to shower, brush my teeth, brush my hair, drink enough water – things like that.

There isn’t a reason in particular that I can think of as to why I feel this way. As someone who suffers from Generalized Anxiety, I am used to not having a clue as to why I feel anxious. So, when these feelings came around more intensely – I was concerned. I also want to make it clear that I want to take care of myself. I know that I need too, and I want to do it – but I can’t. I find even trying to move my body towards the shower is like a workout. Changing, brushing my hair, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving, drying off, and redressing? Instead of thinking of it as just taking a shower, now I’m stuck thinking about all of the little steps and how exhausting it is.

I’ve been prescribed wellbutrin – which helps with energy and depression; I’ve been taking it for about a week now. I was told the energy aspect of it was going to work immediately, but the anti depression wouldn’t work for about a month. I hope that at the end of the month, I won’t feel the way I’ve been feeling anymore. All of this, mixed with COVID-19 and family matters – has left me in desperate need for self-care and coping mechanisms. I wanted to share some of those tips with you today.

  1. Do something halfway.

What I mean by this is that if something seems too exhausting, try and half-ass it. When I can’t even begin to think of getting dressed, I will change my shirt but keep my pajama shorts on. I’ll put my hair in a bun instead of styling it, or I’ll make my bed instead of cleaning my entire room. Doing something halfway has been beneficial for me personally because it shows my brain that I am capable of doing something, even when I feel like doing nothing.

  1. Journaling.

I know journaling isn’t for everyone, but I’ve found it helpful. I have been journaling in two forms. In the first form, I call it my To-Do List. I have a bullet journal that I have a to-do list for the day in, and this is also where I include my mood as well as how I felt about the day, and something I want to change moving forward. My second journal is actually in Amanda Lovelace’s Slay Those Dragons. This is a journal designed to help you write your own story. In this case, I’m using it to write simple three stanza poems about my day. Obviously, this can be done differently depending on the person. I use this to express more of my feelings, while my To-Do list is my logic.

  1. Self-Soothing. 

I want to start this by saying that self-care and self-soothing are two very different things. Self-soothing is doing something in the moment to help with your feelings, while self-care is working towards a goal in the long run. Self-soothing can be incredibly helpful when you’re feeling anxious or flustered. For me, my self-soothing is spending money. This doesn’t help me in the long run, but when I look at my bookshelves stacked up with books I have yet to read, I feel better. I have a friend who self-soothes by ordering clothes online, and another who buys their favorite snacks. Self-soothing is a short term solution to a long-term problem, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t helpful.

  1. Self-Care.

I preach self-care too much for someone who doesn’t practice it much themselves. Self-care is incredibly important though. Self-care is doing things that take care of your body and mind. This falls under the umbrella of taking a shower, pursuing hobbies, making/going to doctor’s appointments when needed, getting the recommended amount of sleep you need, and also putting aside time to socialize. When I’m having trouble with self-care (since it is taking care of yourself), I try and do one of the following: socialize or do something that makes me happy. I have some incredible friends in my life, and whenever I’m down and need to talk about something they’re always there. It’s great to have this because for a long time I was the ‘therapist’ friend. If you aren’t familiar with that, it’s when friends talk to you about their problems consistently without giving you a break or an opportunity to talk as well. My closest friends are so kind and respectful of these boundaries that talking to them helps lift my spirits, even just a tiny bit, when I’m in my worst states.

I hope you have found some of these tips helpful, and if you have any other tips be sure to leave them in the comments down below!